hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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