i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
