you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
