I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
