I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
