Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
