my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
