I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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