found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
