That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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