It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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