well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
