either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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