I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
