he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
