Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
