mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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