I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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