Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
