'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
