well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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