i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
