dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
