What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
