Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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