so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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