My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
