I am in a vortex of obligation.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
