You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
