Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
