i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
