if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
