Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
