What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
