i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
