That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
