Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
