And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
