Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
