one two three fourrrrnication!
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
where are my eyebrows?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
