I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
