i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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