my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
