Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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