I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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