I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
