She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
