Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
