my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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