seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
