I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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